Gratitude vs Hopelessness

Cancer In The Grand Scheme of Things

The polyp is growing again and causing me grief. So, in that light I could see that I would be starting Chemo again. I so wanted to be done. In talking about the problems opened up a flood gate of tears. In those tears were the sorrow of cancer. 

I saw my oncologist today and had not been able to dry my tears. After my appointment, I got two blocks from the doctor's office and spotted a dove in the middle of the road. It was alive. It's little eyes told me it was dazed and needed some help.

I pulled over, got out and walked up to the bird. She did not move. I picked her up and brought her home with me and made her comfortable.

I realized that I forgot myself in caring for her. My tears stopped. After a couple hours it was apparent that the bird was okay, so I let her go. I can see God's tender love, mercy and grace in that. 

The oncologist told me that the cancer blood count had increased from 28 from last month to 98. It's not bad but we know it is growing.  

I weight usually about 120 and I weighed in at 112. I talk to my daughter about this and she suggested we go talk to the girls who run "Wheat Grass Saloon", here in town. They cater wheat grass drinks, smoothies and vegan food. After figuring the expense I discovered it would be cheaper to cater and more convenient, while I am on chemo then if we brought and did it ourselves.  
We will talk to them tomorrow about setting up a daily delivery of these wonderful goodies. :) 

I woke up in the night as I normally do for a run to the toilet. I could feel the presence with me. Feeling the writer step up to write. Some of my best stuff is done at 3 am.
 I thought it was 5 am but the digital clock displayed 3:33. I smiled knowing the presence is near. My heart is full of gratitude. 

Signs are everywhere. Being conscious helps alot in seeing them. Sometimes, I think I take myself way too seriously. I forget who is in charge. Praise Jesus! If I take the time, It's not hard to see God's presence in everything. 

You have a legacy that you were born into
that influences you until you make
conscious choices to change your destiny!
I am driven by spirit ...
~Special Blessings of Love2U ...

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