2001.. I remember Looking in the mirror and asking myself...
"Why can't I stop drinking?"
"Why can't I stop drinking?"
~I thought it helped. I HAD to drink.Then it stopped working. I let down my friends and my kids. I was a blackout drinker. I had majors issues with guilt, shame, remorse, resentment, anger, embarrassment & hate. Worry, anxiety & insecurity as well. I was the victim. Those assholes! If they'd just mind their own business. Everything would be all right. It scares me to think what could have happened. I tried to to control my drinking but I could not.
~I hit that bottom on a cold winter Montana day. The state of Montana took my kids from me. I wanted to die. My desire to live was stronger. I wanted my kids and my life back. It wasn't my will power that got me to finally stop. I just quit fighting it. I gave up. I was so tired.
~At 7:00 am after a all night drinking binge, I found myself running down a small town street. Sobbing terribly. I wanted to crawl in a hole & die. I didn't know what to do. I cried out at GOD, as I know him "PLEASE HELP ME, TELL ME WHAT TO DO?" In a moment of clarity, I heard a still small voice inside of me who said, "knock on that door and they will help you."
~I really didn't have any other ideas. My ideas kept getting me back to the bar. I had to get real humble and muster up alot of courage. When I did knock and the door was opened, I opened my mouth to express my need, but I cried horribly, with deep gut wrenching sobs.I knew the guy was sober six years and raising three kids on his own. Later he said that I didn't make a whole lot of sense.
~I hit that bottom on a cold winter Montana day. The state of Montana took my kids from me. I wanted to die. My desire to live was stronger. I wanted my kids and my life back. It wasn't my will power that got me to finally stop. I just quit fighting it. I gave up. I was so tired.
~At 7:00 am after a all night drinking binge, I found myself running down a small town street. Sobbing terribly. I wanted to crawl in a hole & die. I didn't know what to do. I cried out at GOD, as I know him "PLEASE HELP ME, TELL ME WHAT TO DO?" In a moment of clarity, I heard a still small voice inside of me who said, "knock on that door and they will help you."
~I really didn't have any other ideas. My ideas kept getting me back to the bar. I had to get real humble and muster up alot of courage. When I did knock and the door was opened, I opened my mouth to express my need, but I cried horribly, with deep gut wrenching sobs.I knew the guy was sober six years and raising three kids on his own. Later he said that I didn't make a whole lot of sense.
~It is not my intent to preach A.A to you . I am only sharing my experience, strength and hope with you that you will not give up on who you really are. Deep inside, the little kid, who had all hopes and dreams in this world. Who wondered about who they'd be when they grew up.
~God stepped in because I was willing to change and he changed my life and who I am. Now I try to be the best person that I can and I stay in today. One day at time. I call it faith. It has nothing to do with your will-power. Every morning as I wake I can hear my Lord telling me things. Also during the day I meditate.
~For me I had to become the one that I trust, love and accept.
For me I had to call out to God and he delivered me.
Everyday I am grateful that God gave me another chance.
Replace that hopelessness with gratitude and watch your life change.
~Forgive, Forget, change your heart, change your life and change your destiny!
~You have a legacy that you were born into that influences
you until you make conscious choices to change your destiny!
Never ever give up on your dreams!
~Special Blessings of Love 2U ...
~Debbie:)
Contact me: 4062339559 montanadreamakerportal
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